Chapter 45: Are you ready?

Hello Love,

    How have you been? It has been years since we talked to each other, and I can see how much your life changed since then. How are you feeling that what you have been praying is slowly coming true? Are you excited? Nervous perhaps? Is it syncing that everything will change after a few months?

    Years passed by since you decided to stop making plans and allow Him to do what He thinks is best for you right? So, do you think you made a right decision on keeping your faith alive? Was those years of suffering and pain worth it now? Did you see the reason now why did things end up the way they did before?

It is surreal. I have never imagined before that I would be able to experience all of these things and I am forever grateful that things happened the way they did. What is happening now is way better than I ever imagined it would be. I couldn't ask for more because this is more than a fairytale come true.

The only difference is that I don't need to run when the clock strikes at 12 because I could wake up each day with the same scenario. I will not be scared that someone took my voice to have a feet just to be with someone I love because it was fate that brings us back together without any consequence in return. I don't need to sleep forever and wait for a prince to come because he is already here.

This is way better than a fairytale, but it is magical at the same time.

So I can say that I have a mixed emotion, but they are good feelings. I can't wait to tell you so many things but for now all I can say is I am happy and contented and I feel loved everyday. 

Chapter 44: You will see things differently

Few years ago, I saw the world as a jungle. A forest where everyone should fight for their own survival. You will never know what is behind the bushes and it makes me scared. I think that is when I develop my trust issues because you will never know when it will be a trap.

YOU NEED TO SURVIVE. That is what I thought.

Living like this is not life after all.

There would be sleepless nights. overthinking on what will happen the next day. "Will tomorrow be an ordinary day or will I be chase by lions?" "Will a snake bite me tomorrow and will never survive because of the deadly venom that will enter my humanity?"

"What will tomorrow bring?" Is a statement that makes me want to hide underneath my bed.

I know how it feels like to live in uncertainty.

Until a miracle happen.

For a miracle to happen, you need to be in a certain place at a certain time. You need to make choices that will make a miracle happen because it will not just happen. -just in my opinion

Certain decisions in our life lead us to where we are today. Are we supposed to be here? Are we happy to where we are? Do you want to be somewhere else? Everything is up to you.

It will always be a choice.

As we sail this boat, I hope that your compas is leading you in a correct direction. You might ask a question like 'how will I know that this is the right path?' It seems so hard to figure it out but if you just listen, you will see things differently.

Do not just listen to your heart because they are all about emotion; not just to your brain because it will make a logical decision but listen and understand your soul because it will choose the right one for you.

Our soul is the window to our being. Our soul is the foundation of our morality and principles. Our soul is the source of our faith and hope, and it can never go wrong.

In case your journey is getting a little bit rocky, you are allowed to pause for a while and listen. Listen to every fiber of your wellbeing and the answer will be right in front of you.

Chapter 43: Life goes on.

A life far away from home thought me various stuff about life. It also gave me different description on what life is - depending on what situation I am into. My favorite is 'life goes on.'

Life will continue no matter how complicated things are. It will still make baby steps whether you like it or not. The only question that will remain is: as life passes by in front of your eyes, what would you rather do, grow with it or wither like a sunflower while watching the ray of the sun?

A continuous process of growth is what I will describe my journey. "Journey from where?" You might ask. Journey in finding a purpose to life - I would respond. I believe our purpose differs from phase to phase. Back in college my main goal is to graduate and have work after that everything is blurry - at least for me. When I started working, the purpose is to have income to sustain yourself and family. Is there anything else?

When I decided to work in the desert, all I want is to have a high salary. Get the things I want and be able to provide. Period. The material things in life that I want are getting almost reachable now and I can still manage to provide but one day I asked myself- Is there more to life than this?

I begin to question. In a place where you are surrounded by diamond and gold, what do I really want? I never told anyone but the biggest challenge in my journey is loneliness. Being alone physically is bearable but feeling of abandoned and left out is a different story.

In this phase, my purpose changed. I NEED TO SURVIVE. There comes a time that everything is falling apart. Everything seems to fade. The path is getting blurry and if I am being honest, I have no time to feel lost and all because there is so much $*&^ that I need to get a hold of.

I have a job to maintain. I have family to take care of. I have friends to accompany. I have my own self to love. There is so much and breaking down because of the different aspects in life is not even an option. 

That is when I 'develop' this defense mechanism from the reality of life. I need to be okay. And in order to be okay, I need to have a strong will or else I will give up on this battle. I became this kind of person and experience taught me to figure $*&^ out and whatever it takes, I need to be okay.

Because of this, I am misunderstood which I totally understand. I am far from the old me and there are certain things that I seem to forget because I am busy "surviving." I tend to forget the things that matter to people I used to love and here I am, starting to learn again.

Faith is the only thing that is constant in my path. Faith leads me here and I know it will also lead me to places. Maybe places where I didn't plan to be but I suppose that is where I am supposed to.

Life might give us different lessons in life but I hope whatever learnings you got from it, let love be greater than anything. Let your love for family be greater than the past mistakes you've done. Let the love for yourself be bigger that the disappointment you had before. Let your love for your family and community be much more than the misunderstandings you encountered. I know it is easier said than done but wouldn't it be nice to live in a world like that?

Chapter 42: In the end have a loving heart

Hi Love,

How are you feeling these days?

As the days go by, I can see how everything is affecting you. I noticed that tears would compete to the water that is rushing through your skin whenever you have a shower. There are things that might go out of hand because of your own actions. You should've think before you act, but it is already there, as much as we want to fix certain important stuff, all we can for now is wait.

Things are though but I'm praying with you that everything will be okay. Cheer up a little.

There maybe various factors in our life that we cannot control and you need to accept that some or most of them are not according to your plan. It happens, love, please do not be discourage.

"Let your love be bigger than anything else in the world"

Keep choosing to be better, in every scenario. Human as we are, we tend to have our emotions lead the way. As a result, we end up in a position that we do not want. It would be hard to control your emotions, I know you but you can always try. Let yourself be calm before deciding. Let your mind be at peace when making an action. Let your heart be silent when your lips want to say something. 

"We cannot take it back when it is said."

Someone dear to me always said, 'be careful with your words because you cannot take it back.' He keeps on commenting whenever I rant with random stuff. Now, it is kinda stuck on my head. It is hard to choose the correct words sometimes when your emotion is as high as mount fuji. Reminding yourself to do not drop words like a bomb when you are mad is always challenging specially when I am used to be a straightforward person.

But hey, I realized that you can still be a straight forward kind of person without hurting someone. It is a matter of tone and words. But yes, sometimes,  we tend to slip.

Love, I understand where you are coming from. I understand the hurt and pain you are feeling but maybe it is time to drop all those baggage. It is hard, I know since you get used to those but it is occupying a large part of your heart and it is time to leave all those behind.

Small steps at a time, as I keep on telling you, choices make or break you. and I hope every choice you make will be for the better. Do not let pain ruin the best part of you. You are more than this.

Above all...have faith in Him. 

Chapter 41: Col 3:14

It is still not sinking in my tiny brain that we are engage.

Feels like everything is not real. I don't know, and I am left with no words so I decided to write. -maybe something will come out of this.

Okay?

Dear Papa God,

I am forever grateful.

Minsan talaga nagbibigay ka ng challenges samin to make us realize that you want something better for than dun sa gusto namen para sa mga sarili namen.

Last year was a year of healing from the previous year.

All I want last year is peace of mind pero you let me have a chance to find love.

Thank you for always letting us know na kahit may mga challenges in life, once we have faith in you, one way or another, everything will be okay. - eventually it did.

Lance was like a breath of fresh air.

Slowly, he made me a better person that I could imagine.

He didn't try to change me but instead he showed how to be kind.

Ang daming instances na he showed it, hindi ko alam kung aware sya but he did. 

So I tried to be like that kind of person because it feels nice.

I think what he did is too much for me. -deserve ko ba?

Pero thank you kasi in this world where everyone is trying to find happiness - I find him.

Words are not enough to say how thankful I am so maybe choosing him everyday will be enough.

Okay. Speechless again. <3

Love,

Angela

Chapter 40: E-commerce strategies applied to life

 I read this one article about the strategies of the E-commerce on how to deal with the challenges that they are facing and I find it interesting on their way on how to address the issue and move forward is by trust and being positive there there are still "good customers" out there. Of course there are other strategies but these two caught my attention that I think we can also apply in real life.

Trust will be the core of everything.

When you do not know a brand, trust will always be the hard to give. There would be a list of questions and you would look for review(s) just to make sure you are buying at the right company.

At the end of the day, we would never know if we would not try. Right?

Are you one of the people that are keen on trying new things so that you will not regret and there would be no what ifs? Or, are you a type of person who would like to have a loyalty award and buys a certain kind of stuff because you know, it is proven and tested already.

In life, I think I am more of a person who does not want to have regret, so I keep on trying different things, eating different cuisine, dressing up differently (sometimes), going somewhere I never been, basically being out there. These things made me know what I want in life. For example, I really do not like pickled stuff. I find it amazing that I like this date biscuits, they are my favorite. I am fascinated with snow. Spicy stuff is bad for my health, I get uncomfortable with new people, I like Moroccan bath. Waxing doesn't hurt that much as well as tattoo or maybe my pain tolerance is just high? The list can go on but the point is that, by doing things out of your bubble, you get to know yourself, little by little.

As we progress with life, we get to know ourselves and our understanding about this journey becomes wider. We start to respect others opinion, we stopped questioning how a certain person behaves towards us and we are beginning to control our own actual actions towards certain situations.

I realized that a person cannot be defined by his mistakes. A person is more than that. A person is complex and therefore, we need to see beyond their eyes and listen. As the technology in our surrounding is evolving, so are the social norms and relationships. Some situations are not acceptable before but now, everything is changing. Some changes are bad some are not but at some point in our life, we need to adapt - basic survival instinct.

Am I still making sense?

From trust issue to basic survival tips. That went north to south doesn't it?

There are still 'good customers' out there

A fintech (financial technology) guy in the article said “There is an outlier that is looking to outsmart you and defraud you. Do we build our business around that cohort? Or do we build a business around the majority of our customers, who generally have good intentions and just want a convenient experience?"  - I felt this.

In the world full of chaos, this statement is such an eye opener and it makes me happy that someone out there is investing and choosing to believe that there is still some good people out there.

I hope people will also choose to believe that there are still good side in everything. I wish people will not define someone based on the mistakes that they know about a certain people and I hope that "standards" will always be based on the goodness not by the society.

Life is already hard as it is, why not make it a better one? 

How? I am not sure. Maybe, start by listening?

Link for the article if you are interested: https://www.broadcastprome.com/case-studies/ott/e-commerce-strategies-for-streaming-services/

Chapter 39: 30 and up

What was it supposed to be like this when your number is nearly disappearing in the calendar?

How is everything supposed to feel like?

Lately, I feel like at 30, I should've achieve more. 

I should have more investments, more savings, more accomplishments in life than what I have right now.

But then I realize, what do I mean by "achievements"?

What are my "standards" on saying that "I should have more"?

'God's Gift'. That is term my community used for boyfriend/ girlfriend.

I am contemplating right now and it is true. He is truly a God's gift. Most of my days before I chose to be with him, I am always sad about life. Sad about what is happening. Always wondering if the people I love, loved me too.

A life before him is black and white. Do not get me wrong. I have friends and family before that I know will always be by my side; but he changed the perspective on how I view life.

His actions towards others made me think, that what I knew before is different on how he sees things. His way is better than mine - to be honest.

I usually do not celebrate my birthday with a lot of people. I don't know why. I just don't.

There were times that I celebrated my birthday with my bestfriend near the beach at 12mn, just waiting for my birthday to come.

I usually spend it with my family back home, but since it is pandemic it is somehow near to impossible. 

I spent it with my colleagues too who would do their best to make me special too.

He made me feel like my birthday is an extra ordinary day. Like before, when you used to be a kid and your parents prepare a birthday party for you and your friends come to celebrate it with you, with balloons and cake and gifts and stuff. He made me feel that way. 

With the busy schedule and workload, I did not expect that he would still have time to think about these stuff.

It is not just my birthday, it is the everyday thing that makes me feel different.

What God gave me is a concrete example of life that I am wishing for a while now.

Never realize that at 30, I will be genuinely happy.

I realized that being with this gift made me feel like I am worth everything.

Maybe this feeling of  'importance' has also a standard but I don't know. I feel like being in a relationship with the 'gift' means like I deserve to be loved not hurt.

I guess you can say that achieving something is not only about material things, not about the career, not about the money you have in your account and definitely not about your social status. It is more than that.

<3