What was it supposed to be like this when your number is nearly disappearing in the calendar?
How is everything supposed to feel like?
Lately, I feel like at 30, I should've achieve more.
I should have more investments, more savings, more accomplishments in life than what I have right now.
But then I realize, what do I mean by "achievements"?
What are my "standards" on saying that "I should have more"?
'God's Gift'. That is term my community used for boyfriend/ girlfriend.
I am contemplating right now and it is true. He is truly a God's gift. Most of my days before I chose to be with him, I am always sad about life. Sad about what is happening. Always wondering if the people I love, loved me too.
A life before him is black and white. Do not get me wrong. I have friends and family before that I know will always be by my side; but he changed the perspective on how I view life.
His actions towards others made me think, that what I knew before is different on how he sees things. His way is better than mine - to be honest.
I usually do not celebrate my birthday with a lot of people. I don't know why. I just don't.
There were times that I celebrated my birthday with my bestfriend near the beach at 12mn, just waiting for my birthday to come.
I usually spend it with my family back home, but since it is pandemic it is somehow near to impossible.
I spent it with my colleagues too who would do their best to make me special too.
He made me feel like my birthday is an extra ordinary day. Like before, when you used to be a kid and your parents prepare a birthday party for you and your friends come to celebrate it with you, with balloons and cake and gifts and stuff. He made me feel that way.
With the busy schedule and workload, I did not expect that he would still have time to think about these stuff.
It is not just my birthday, it is the everyday thing that makes me feel different.
What God gave me is a concrete example of life that I am wishing for a while now.
Never realize that at 30, I will be genuinely happy.
I realized that being with this gift made me feel like I am worth everything.
Maybe this feeling of 'importance' has also a standard but I don't know. I feel like being in a relationship with the 'gift' means like I deserve to be loved not hurt.
I guess you can say that achieving something is not only about material things, not about the career, not about the money you have in your account and definitely not about your social status. It is more than that.
<3
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