Chapter 31: What is the purpose of living?

2 years ago, I found myself sitting on the shore with my bestfriend. It was evening and since it is summer time, it is humid but since we love to watch and listen to the waves, it didn't matter. I guess.

Those were the times where in I was in my lowest and things are falling apart. I was not able to make the right decisions and I kept making mistakes. All of them kept on piling up and I cannot keep up, however, being on shore with her seems to help on slowing things down. She was one of my comfort zone.

I told her that night (as I can remember) that I do not know my purpose. I do not know where to go and what are the things that needs to be done to keep on going.

I told her stuff that I honestly cannot remember now but I still know how I felt that night. Of course, things did not go well the day after. In a month, it is still same. I am still on the same spot.

It took time.

I had tons of mistake to make me realize what is the purpose of living. It took million baby steps, countless sleepless nights, infinite setbacks and a couple of acceptance statements for me to be totally okay.

There were times where in waking up in the morning is hard. There are moments that smiling and make everyone think that I am okay is rocket science and most of the time, peace of mind is no where to be found.

Those are how my every day looks like.

 It was hell and I do not know how did I manage to go through.

Come to think of it, it is also summer time like before but it feels different.

It feels lighter now. Peace is every where. I told her the other day that some thing changed in me. I felt happier. I felt genuinely happy.

I guess I will not be able to make it if it is not because of Him.

I am forever grateful.

There would be times that I felt like I want to cry but not because I am sad like before.

My heart wants to say things that words are not enough to utter. The feeling is weird but it feels nice.

So what is the purpose of living?

I found my purpose or at least that is what I want to believe. My purpose in life is to keep on helping. Keep on trying to give love to people who genuinely loves me too.

I guess I am tired of being on that bubble. I am trying. Trying may not be good enough for now but it can go somewhere. Right?

There might be other purpose that I am yet to find on the way as the journey is always unknown but I think this time, it wont be a lonely journey.

I think this time, I am on the right path and definitely with the right people.

It took a while to realize things.

It is better to be late than never right? Life will always be an everyday learning ground. We will never know what knowledge we wound find tomorrow and I think that is what makes life exciting.