Chapter 29: Comfort Zone

As I am solving the aftermaths that the past has done, I encountered Him and somehow He told me that He can help me with everything that I am facing.

Hungry for peace, I immediately said "okay." Without knowing how He can be able to arrange the impossible - make everything okay. I was desperate. I then promised Him that once he managed to solve every issue that I have, from that day forward, I will choose Him. Keep on choosing Him until I do not know when.

Eventually, He did what He said. 

Although, I had scars and bruises, everything went back to normal and that is enough for me.

I tried to keep the end of the bargain. Still trying. Whenever someone asked something, I said yes. I have no idea what I am doing. The lifestyle that I once had is changing little by little and before I know it, I am doing things that I found interesting.

He did not tell me that I would like the things I am experiencing now if I choose Him. Slowly, parts of what "I used to be" are vanishing. I found myself turning my back to the old stuff that I used to do. I found myself in front to the community that I left 5 or 6 years ago.

Stopped planning

2 years ago, I was looking forward to something that I thought matters. I hold on to that even if I am losing everything including myself. I hold on to something that was precious to me and ignored all the things that I thought I did not need.

The hardest decision is to give up and go back to start. Give up everything that you have been holding on and accept that there are plans that need to be abandoned because you finally realize it is not good for you.

That is when I stopped planning. I stopped planning all by myself because of my poor decision making.

Have you ever felt or experience that? You keep on deciding what you think is best for you but in the end all you did is hurt yourself and letting them reduce your value -over and over and over again.

Hurts right?

I came to the point of depression but no one knows. No one noticed. I do not have anywhere to turn to because I projected myself as an independent person who can handle myself well - but deep inside; I am lost.

That is my turning point.

I started saying yes to the community that I once turned my back on. Little did I know, miracles starts to happen.

Or maybe I am exaggerating things? I am not sure but I guess I want to believe it that way.

Solutions keep on popping out of no where. Day by day, I am gaining peace of mind. Each day is a lesson to keep on loving myself and follow His plans.

I am still not sure on what does He wants me to do actually. Haven't talk to Him again, I guess I am doing things right this time?

Burst out of your bubble

It is hard to be sociable.

It is not like I do not want to have new people but I am scared to go out of my comfort zone. I am okay with the few babes that I have.

I do not know if I am ready to be open to new environment but know that I am trying. 

I hope He can give me time because I feel He is rushing me to a whole new world.

Coping up

It is tiring completing the agreement that I made with Him but it brings joy.

Happiness is what matters right?

Going with the flow is my way of adjusting and faith that whatever choice I am doing now, it will be for the best.

I just hope that I am making Him happy. Everyday. Since that day that He decided to make things okay. I hope I am not disappointing Him. 

From me to You.

I hope You will bear with me. Please give me time to do what You want me to. I am trying to keep on choosing You everyday and I would like to keep it that way.

I hope that You will stay beside me and keep on choosing me to.

Together, I hope we will not fix any aftermath anymore.