Chapter 37: The heart knows it all

This year has been tough. There are a lot of things that needs acceptance and I have been pushed outside of my comfort zone over and over. Hope and faith has been tested and I must say, fighting the battles alone was draining until I realized I have Him.

He was there. Making me realize a lot of things. I told myself something in me change but I don't know what it is until now. I found myself having this kind of faith that makes me calm with the thought of uncertainty.

 I always wanted to be accepted. I tried to please people until trying feels tiring. I want to belong to something but it feels hard. It feels like a lot of work. My heart is not that bad I guess but I don't know, the people that I want to love seem to always see my mistake more than what I could offer. It was ok. But at some point I don't know why I feel hurt.

I maybe straight forward but I mean good. I don't blame the world why I become like this but survival of the fittest. In this jungle, you need to survive and being a cry baby will not last a day. I am sorry for being tough in order to survive this world. In this journey that we are into, we cannot avoid having mistakes. I do not mean to tolerate such but don't we have much to give than our failures?

I thought all along that what inside our hearts matter than anything in the world. That our intention is the most important thing. I am confused why such things are happening but I would like to choose to believe that it might be for a reason.

At the end of the day, I am happy that I have this kind of faith that makes me accept the rules and the world without planting the seed of anger in my heart. The kind of hope that makes me look forward of what tomorrow will bring instead of looking at the things that makes me sad. The kind of faith that is not bound on anything but my relationship with Papa God alone.

I hope and pray that my heart will lead me to a place where a world can accept me for who I am and not only what I can offer. A world where people help each other grow despite and in spite of my mistakes that they know. I would like to live in a world where my intention matters more than my failures.

If my heart would lead me to a place where I will be isolated once again but will give me peace, if You would allow my heart to follow Your will, whatever it will be I will follow.

To all those mistakes, downfalls, sleepless nights, challenges, frustrations, failures - thank you for making my love for God blossom in a way I could never imagine.  Indeed, I would dedicate everyday for Him ❤