I randomly asked sometimes - what is more painful:
A. losing your mom at a very young age
B. Losing her at a certain age and spent time with her
I still do not know the answer but I guess it is safe to say that both hurt.
I never thought that growing up will make me miss my mom. Never thought that at the age of being independent, I would actually need a person who won't judge the way others were.
Acceptance.
While we are all humans and mistakes are inevitable, we, as well can certainly know how to judge too. And I think that is where the love of a mom would take over, isn't it? She would accept and understand you no matter what it takes.
That instead of "what is the matter with you?" The question would be "why did you do it?" -makes a difference right?
No one would probably understand but I guess I am seeing the world differently now.
People would judge you and probably define you with an action that you did before understanding the 'whys' behind those decisions.
People might make you feel alone but I guess a mom wont.
Explanation.
Have you ever encounter a time in your life where in all the actions that you are doing are questionable? Because it is not what they expect from you? Because it is not the 'right' thing to do? Haven't they noticed that all those times you are doing the right thing and no one asked "can you still keep up, love?"
I think having a mom who checks up on you because she actually cares with the explanation you will give them is the most precious thing.
There would come a time where in you will just get tired of explaining yourself to everyone because no matter what you do or say, your 'selfish' action already defines you.
Lucky are those people who have their mom beside them when they are experiencing tough times and blessed are the people who encounter good souls that stays with them through rough moments.
Love.
They say love is a choice that you are making everyday. When the storms hits the sea, you still choose to love the rain from afar knowing that it will endanger the mermaids.
When the thunder kills the tree, we still choose to take a photo and be amazed of how such light can create the feeling of nostalgia.
We choose to love even if it gets hard. We choose to love in darkness (Romans 5:8).
I guess a mother's love is a choice she is doing everyday and maybe the reason why whatever it takes, a mother's love will always be the best.
Confused.
But we would not always know why things are happening to us.
Good things happen, we are grateful. Bad things happen, we are confused.
One thing I learned is that you cannot have both worlds. I cannot be the same person in one lifetime. There would be choices.
Choices won't be 'admirable' in others' perspective but it will always be different if you try their shoes. eh?
Care.
Well, the purpose of this article is not to rant about things but actually to tell you how blessed I am.
Grateful for all the people who understand and accept everything.
Thankful for all the lessons in life that I hope will make me a better person.
Glad that it is almost the end of the year and I feel like a new life is about to happen.
Hopeful that all those pain and sorrow that I am experiencing now will bloom into a beautiful flower one day. Soon.
Realization.
I then realize that you don't need to be a rude person to make your point. World itself is.
If a person you purely love is suffering about something, would it hurt to be kind a little and make her feel like you are different from the people who turned their back at her? - yep. That is also what I think so. Oh mom, I miss you everyday.
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