"I am more than the 'love and pain' you gave me."
I guess this time closure is not what I truly need but forgiveness. Forgiving myself for all those silent battles that I fought because I choose to have something with someone. Something that I thought was special.
With all the pain that I felt, the flower bloom out of the darkness and realizations was made before the sun comes down.
It was hard to love yourself. The moment you think you did, think twice. I noticed that there are more things that myself needed in the midst of all those sorrows.
It was not his love that I needed but myself.
Fixing the aftermath was one of the hardest. This time I did not cried. Was I stronger than before? Definitely no. But I do manage to acquire this 'skill' to not dwell on the situation and instead think of a solution.
It was hard to be heartbroken and be there for those people who needed me at the same time. It was hard to 'fake-it-until-you-make-it.' But hey, I'm still alive so I guess it is still possible to 'multitask.'
I realize that in this time, crying in the corner like a lost puppy wont help me anything. The pain he gave me let me look at life on a different perspective. And no one ever did taught me that. So thank you.
I learned to see the beauty of morning more than usual. To be happy and excited with the accomplishment of someone. To genuinely help people without expecting something in return. To appreciate my friends and family everyday because they haven't left.
People come, people go. That is part of the law of nature. But I guess the beauty of it is that you would have a chance to get to know everyone, everything and even more about yourself.
Am I still making sense here?
The beauty of life is where we still see good things despite of the storm that is breaking our core.
I am more than the pain he gave me because I refuse to raise the white flag. I am more than my mistake and I choose to get over it and move on because I still believe with the things I yet to achieve - I think myself needs this.
Over and over we always say that everything happen for a reason to remain positive and we always say that "it will be alright" even if we are really messed up. What I discover is that there are times when all you need is 'acceptance' and not all those 'motivational shits'. Allow yourself to feel the pain again. And. Again.
The moment we feel uncomfortable with the pain we are feeling, we tend to think of ways on how to make the situation better.
Am I right?
Society will always expect us to be better but what matters is what do we expect with ourselves? After all, ourselves will be the only person who will stay.
All I am saying is that it is okay to feel down. It is ok to cry. Be depress if you have to. You have all the right because we have emotions. But we are not entitled to feel this way for a long time.
We also need to heal. ❤
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